


Darker the Night

by bamfleur



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin is trying but also his sith side is showing, Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obitine deserved better fight me, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29520540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamfleur/pseuds/bamfleur
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi returns heartbroken from Mandalore after the events of "The Lawless". Anakin tries to talk to him (it does not go as planned).
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	Darker the Night

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched this horrible, horrible (yet amazing) episode and felt the need to write something. Actually, this just brought me more pain, but I thought it would be interesting to see how Anakin might have reacted. He was also really hard to write for some reason.  
> !English is not my 1st language, sorry if there are any errors!

„I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan.”

Anakin stood beside his master, hesitantly laying a hand on his shoulder. It pained him, seeing Obi-Wan so pale and hollow. His usually perfectly groomed hair was matted and unkept, and dark circles lay beneath his eyes. He looked like a dead man.

When his master had come back from his mission to Mandalore, he had gone from his ship straight to the Jedi council, where he had only reported three things: “Mandalore has fallen. Darth Maul reigns. Santine is dead.” Then he had excused himself and had vanished into his chambers.

This had been two days ago.

Anakin had wanted to storm to his room instantly, but Ahsoka had reigned him in. “Wait.”, she had said. “Give him time to deal with it. To heal.”

But this was war, and there was no time. No time to grieve, no time to pause.

So Anakin had found himself in front of his master’s doors today, with the task to bring the great general Kenobi back to battle. The Jedi were falling, one by one, and they desperately needed reinforcements for their defence of Ryloth. The mourning period was over.

Yet when the doors had opened and he had seen Obi-Wan, he could not hide his shock completely. His master was a shadow of his former self. Fatigue and pain were etched into every line of his face, as if he had aged ten years. He had stood with his hands clasped back, slightly hunched over, looking exhausted. “Do come in, Anakin.”

\-----

Now they stood on the terrace overlooking Coruscant, while dusk was setting in and tinging the evening sky purple. With its millions of lights, the city gave a spectacular view, but Anakin could see his master was just staring into nothingness. As if he were somewhere else.

“Master-“

“Don’t, Anakin. I know what you are going to say. They need me back in action.” His voice sounded rough.

Anakin wanted to argue, but he bit his tongue. He knew Obi-Wan would come, of course, because he was Obi-Wan. A dutiful jedi to the core. So Anakin simply inclined his head and stood next to him, in the natural state of the Padawan guarding his master, waiting for him to take up the word whenever he was ready.

A mutually understood quiescence settled upon them then, and neither one spoke. The night got colder and darker, while the lights of Coruscant grew brighter. Like its own little galaxy with its millions of stars set against the black void of space. The moons rose too, reminding Anakin of huge silver discs, even if they were misty thanks to the thick blanket of air pollution. Sometimes Anakin missed Tatooine, its endlessly clear sky and burning sharp desert air. Not the slavery, of course, but while Coruscant was hypermodern and teeming with life, it also made him feel just as imprisoned sometimes. Or maybe it was being a Jedi, although he had never told this to anyone. Not Padmé, and certainly not Obi-Wan. Looking at him now though, so drained and suffering… Santine’s death must have hit him worse than he had thought. Anakin did not know how deep his master’s feelings ran, but if it were his wife – the thought of ever losing Padmé was so horrible, he felt his heart clamp in overwhelming fear and anger. He would have laid half the galaxy to waste already. How could his master just stand there, distantly gazing into the past?

But perhaps he would understand now. Anakin felt the sudden urge to confess everything. To unload all his secrets and thoughts, to just _talk_ to his teacher and be able to unburden his guilt. He was able to ignore it, most of the time, but it was still an everpresent weight, dragging him down. Maybe Obi-Wan would not tell the Jedi council. Maybe it would close the growing rift between them… A breeze stirred, only tangible to those fortunate enough to be high above Coruscant’s million twinkling lights.

“Looks beautiful, doesn’t it?” Obi-Wan broke the silence.

“Yes, master.” 

Obi-Wan was still turned away from Anakin, gazing down at the city and deep in thought. The breeze blew gently by and cooled their faces.

When he spoke again, his master seemed to be lost in memories. “Many years ago, when I about your age, I stood on a similar place in Mandalore. It was my last evening on the planet before Qui-Gong and I were to head back to the Jedi Temple.” A ghost of a smile traced his lips. “I still remember it as if it were yesterday. Satine in this beautiful white dress… We danced, on a night just like this. But it was warmer, and music played. There were silver night butterflies all around us. Mandalore to our feet. The sky the limit.” He gave short, humourless laugh. “It was perfect. We didn’t even argue, for once. And I was so sure – so sure she would ask…”

Obi-Wan finally turned to him, his eyes – surprisingly, sharp as ever and not dulled by loss – piercing Anakin’s. “Jedi are not supposed to give into feelings and form intimate relationships. Our emotional detachment is the only thing that allows us to fairly choose between right and wrong. And yet…” There was a short pause. “I am no perfect jedi, Anakin. Had Satine asked me to stay, I would have. I would have left the order without a second thought, and without regret.”

“But she didn’t.”, Anakin said quietly.

His master moved a step back and took a deep breath.

“To this day, it’s the question that keeps me up at night. Why didn’t she? _Why_ didn’t she?” There was a hint of bitterness in his tone. “I know I have made the right choice becoming a Jedi knight. There is nothing I would rather do. But there was still the dream of a different future that haunted me... Now the only thing that will haunt me is her corpse in my arms.”

Anakin was glad for the cover of the night so that his face was obscured by shadows. It felt terrible, seeing his master so broken. He could feel an anger and sadness building up inside him, a well of emotions close to overflowing. Obi-Wan did not deserve this.

"If I had just finished what I started with Maul, she would still be alive. If I had not been so weak-" Obi-Wan's voice cracked. “I loved her, Anakin. I loved her more than anything, and now she’s dead because of me.”

Anakin wanted to say he understood, better than anyone. He wanted to say he felt his master’s pain. He wanted to say if it had been Padmé, his rage and sorrow would find no end. He wanted so say that he would do everything in his power to hunt down those responsible. He wanted to… He wanted to… But he did not.

Instead, he said: „I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan.”, and laid a hand on his master’s shoulder, simply trying to convey strength and compassion. At the touch, a tremble ran through the older Jedi’s body. His master seemed brittle and frail all of a sudden, as if he would crumble under Anakin’s fingers if he pressed too hard. Not even after Qui-Gong’s death had he ever seen Obi-Wan in such a state. It was unsettling.

“It’s my fault. I should have gone with you.”

“There is no point in shouldering my sins, too. It was _my_ past mistakes that led to everything. Do not blame yourself.” Obi-Wan sounded tired, so tired.

“But together we could have stopped them! If you had allowed me to come-“

“No, Anakin.” Obi-Wan pushed Anakin’s hand away and straightened himself. “The Jedi were not allowed to interfere, you know that.” Anakin did not want to argue, but he could not help himself.

“The Jedi”, he said incredulously. “You _are_ a Jedi!”

“This was different - a personal matter. The council would never have allowed it otherwise.“

“How could you even listen to the council? You know how often I had to break the rules to save everyone!”

“And I do not condone it. Even if it pains us, we must do what is right and follow the Jedi code.”

“The _Jedi code_ just killed your girlfriend!”

Obi-Wan inhaled sharply. Anakin regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, but he was also angry. The duchess of Mandalore would still be alive if there had been an official Jedi rescue mission, and he knew he was right. How could Obi-Wan not see who was really at fault here?

“That’s enough.” Obi-Wan’s words were as icy the pole regions of Coruscant. The sad shell of a man he had been seconds ago had changed into General Kenobi, one of the galaxy’s most feared fighters. A jedi leader with nerves of steel, regardless of appearance.

“I did not mean to say that-“

“But you did mean it."

There was a harsh silence. Anakin wanted to say something, however he could not figure out how to do so without worsening the situation. He only wanted to help, yet apologizing words were unwilling to form. His desire for confiding in his master had also fled; Obi-Wan would never understand.

"It's the truth", he finally gritted out.

Obi-Wan surveyed him coldly, but there was a glimmer of hurt in his eyes. "Goodnight, Anakin.” His master turned abruptly, stalking back to his room.

For a second, Anakin considered storming after him, either to apologize or further argue, he did not know. He hated leaving his master like this, alone and grieving, but his pride betrayed him. And while he did not feel good about it, he also would not take back what he had said. After all, it was not his fault that the truth hurt. The Jedi council was flawed and ineffective.

His master paused at the terrace doorframe. “I will return to duty as soon as the sun rises.”

Then he stepped through and closed it with a definite shut, leaving Anakin on his own in the dark.


End file.
